« One of a Hundred – page 121 – Ain’t Missin’ You at All | Main | Compassion Lacking In Health Care »
Christmas Songs That Aren’t Christmas Songs
By Marc | December 5, 2008
Every year, for around a month, a couple of radio stations temporarily change their formats and become “The Official Station of Christmas” (even though there are quite of few of them). I wonder what kind of endorsements they have to do. Is it like the Olympics, only the radio stations have to give tons of money to get the status of “official”? I also wonder about discount stores that claim the same thing, making themselves the “official” Christmas headquarters.
So anyway, from after Thanksgiving until Christmas, we always have ready access to Christmas music, both good and ear-splittingly bad. Because some are so bad, I take extra notice to them and notice they have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. That’s not to say there aren’t completely horrible real Christmas songs (in fact I get the creeps and dry heaves just thinking about “The Christmas Shoes” and “Santa Baby”), but at least they mention the holiday, the reason, or the mascots.
So, here are some charlatans pretending to pass themselves off as legitimate Christmas:
Jingle Bells. Even though we’ve been force-fed this tune for as long as we can remember, it has nothing to do with Christmas. Actually, it was originally a Thanksgiving song that some genius thought, “Hmm. It’s got snow and snow is in winter and so is Christmas. It’s a great Christmas song!” It’s just a song about riding in a horse-drawn sleigh with bells. That’s it. No Christ child, no presents, not even a reference to Santa Clause. End the lies! Stop with the forcing kids to sing “Jingle Bells”! But, maybe people like it because it’s non-offensive to anyone edgy enough to complain about “religion in their faces”.
Jingle Bell Rock. Okay, it’s got kind of a catchy tune, but it rides on the coattails of “Jingle Bells”. Actually, this song (and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”) is the primary reason acts like the Brian Setzer Orchestra actually record Christmas albums. In fact, I think they hinge on it. This song is also good for pop-rockers who want to sound cool on their Holiday record and need a tenth track to make them hip with the kids.
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! No, not Christmas. It’s an excuse to get cozy with someone by whining about the cold weather.
Winter Wonderland. Winter song. The opposite of “Let It Snow…” because they’re embracing the frozen landscape.
Sleigh Ride. It’s a combination of “Winter Wonderland” and “Jingle Bells” with a birthday party as the destination.
My Favorite Things. This has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas, and barely to do with winter. Actually, in The Sound of Music (where the song originates), it’s sung during a summer thunderstorm. On top of that, there’s the Kenny Rogers version that really sends the heebie jeebies down my spine.
And the false Christmas song I can’t stand the most:
Baby, It’s Cold Outside. Why oh why did this song ever get associated with Christmas? It doesn’t matter who’s singing it, and although it was written in 1944, I get the feeling it was always intended for Dean Martin (drink in hand, cigarette dangling from lip) and some naive copy girl wooed to his “bachelor pad” with the promise of a singing career. And aside from the creepiness of the song itself, looking at the list of some of the people who have performed it, I need a shower with bleach and a wire brush. Can’t get clean enough; got to wash off the ick. Check these out:
Barry Manilow and K. T. Oslin
Ann-Margret and Brian Setzer
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey
Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton (How did he get a recording career?)
James Taylor and Natalie Cole
Alan Cumming and Liza Minnelli (uhh, yeah)
Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep
Sigourney Weaver and Buster Poindexter
This song was featured in one of my favorite Christmas movies, Elf, sung by Zooey Deschanel and Will Ferrell. I hate that it’s in it because of what extra-curricular activities the song implies. First, I hope my sons never catch the meaning, and then I wonder how a character as innocent as Buddy would even know that song.
That’s enough of my ranting. Have a wonderful Christmas season and sing “God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen”, “Here We Come a Wassailing”, “Silent Night”, “Angels We Have Heard on High”, “Here Comes Santa Claus”, or “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” to your heart’s content. But, for the love of all that is holy, please read the label before you get caught up in the non-Christmas Christmas tunes. At least think of the children.
Topics: Holidays, Just for Fun | 2 Comments »
December 8th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Hey Marc,
Love the rant and totally agree with all of them, though you could look at Sleigh Ride in a different light. They are heading for a birthday party, What is Christmas really celebrating for us Christians. Christ’s birth. So you could look at a Christmas party and a birthday party for Christ. ;o)
Just a fun little twist to think about.
December 8th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Thanks, Bald Monkey.
Perhaps one could even think of Farmer Gray sharing the same birthday, sort of a double festivity.
Maybe you could even mentally replace Farmer Gray’s name with one of Christ’s many names. Maybe replace it with something like “One True Way” and it would still fit in with the rhyming of “day”.
“There’s a birthday party
to celebrate the One True Way (or even Star of the Day)
It’ll be the perfect ending of a perfect day.”
I’m no songwriter, so it might need work.