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Problems with Funerals and Obituaries: Real Life isn’t Captured
By Marc | October 20, 2008
Saturday was Grandma’s funeral. The whole weekend was totally surreal, painful, and at times really wonderful. I shared some things last week, but I’ve remembered and learned more about her since then. Her obituary doesn’t really do her justice, much like any obituary. It gives some facts and small tidbits of character, but has no way of effectively capturing 91 years of a life.
Grandma was extremely humble, so if she were to hear the things said about her or read what I’m writing here, she’d give a wave of her hand, say, “Whatever”, and move on to the next thing. Here are some of those things:
She loved to dance. Her favorites were Polka and country.
After her parents passed away, she and one of her brothers put their lives on hold in order to care for their “slow” sister until one evening Grandma went to a dance and met Allen Williams, who would later become her husband.
Something she often said that my mom and aunts remember was (and I’m paraphrasing here): It’s no use getting mad, because you’re just going to have to get glad again.
She picked up litter around town, separated the recyclables, and paid the FFA to take them to the recycling center.
She loved flowers and was incredibly proud of her rose bushes.
Not only did Grandma spend time at the senior center, she also insisted on helping out by serving and cleaning up. She was there to be served, but felt more comfortable being a servant.
She liked Bingo and playing cards with friends.
A lot of times when we’d visit her house, we had to call and make sure she would be home, because she was always active. If we missed her, she’d later say, “Well, you gotta catch me when you catch me.”
The first time Julie met her, we sat and talked in her kitchen. As we were leaving, out of nowhere she said, “Wait! I’m supposed to give you some cheese and jelly!” She received cheese from her commodities, but got far too much for her to eat by herself. She also made jelly from the choke cherries that grew in her yard. So, Julie’s first experience with Grandma left her carrying away packages of cheese and jars of choke cherry jelly (really awesome stuff).
She would never yell when she was angry, but when her daughters were young and she was upset with their father, Grandma would say things to him in German. Mom and her sisters didn’t understand German, but they had a feeling things were said their ears shouldn’t hear.
Her eyes lit up whenever her great-grandchildren entered the room.
She loved to play pranks on people.
When she called, you could tell it was her from across the room because she yelled into the receiver. She had great hearing most of her life, but maybe she reasoned you had to speak louder from a distance, even if you used a phone.
Once, artist and high school art teacher, Ron Nordyke, took her photo and used it as a basis for a painting. She was out walking, wearing a housedress and an old baseball cap, when he approached her. When she saw the finished work, she asked why he painted her without her teeth. Mom told her if she didn’t want to be seen without them, she should have put them in before she left the house.
This last weekend, it seems every person I came into contact with (even at the grocery store, bar, and gas station) had something personal to say about Grandma.
I’ve also noticed and learned some things about my family, namely my mom and younger sister. They carry on the ways of Grandma in the way they live their lives.
Mom rarely stops. She needs to stay busy and has a desire within her to always take care of someone. When you need her help, she’s there, but keeps her nose out of things she doesn’t think are her business. She has a strong work ethic and doesn’t take responsibility lightly, which makes her respected and trusted by her boss.
My little sister is also a caring, strong woman. She doesn’t think twice about going out of her way to help a friend. If she can make a friend’s burden even just a tiny bit lighter, she’s there.
I’m not sure of Grandma’s relationship with God. She didn’t belong to a church, but she lived her entire life as a person of joy, eternally young and playful, caring, and hard-working. I know she prayed along with the minister who visited her before she passed on and made per peace.
I’m grateful she was able to see all three of her daughters in the same room one last time. I’m grateful for the care she received by the nursing home, making her comfortable and seeing to her needs, and not just doping her up on morphine until her heart stopped. I’m grateful Mom was there in her final moments, holding her hand, letting her know it was okay.
Life is going to be strange in the near future. My head still can’t wrap around the fact she won’t be there. I’ll be calling Mom more often to make sure she’s okay. Thankfully, she has Ron there to guide her through this time.
Ecclesiastes chapter 3 says there is a time for everything. There’s a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. This last weekend, we cried a lot, then had quite a few laughs, remembering her life and how she touched us.
I miss you, Grandma.
Topics: Awesome People, Life and Living | 1 Comment »
October 21st, 2008 at 3:31 pm
She sounds like a wonderful person who changed many lives for the good. She left this world a better place and will be missed by many. Your family is in our prayers. Bob&Sue