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Sometimes it’s Really Tough
By Marc | November 26, 2007
When I accepted Christ, I wasn’t under the false impression that my life would immediately get better. I didn’t get that sudden blast of feel good energy. I wasn’t witness to a vision of Jesus sitting next to me at McDonald’s while scarfing down a McMeat flavored sandwich. I used deductive reasoning to establish that Jesus existed in history and if he did indeed die on that tree for the salvation of my unworthy soul, I owed him big time. I also realized that I needed him in my life because I wasn’t doing too well trying to bear the weight of the world and my own baggage.
I’m told it’s a good thing that I didn’t get the glow or the visions or the miracles. If I did, then I would want them all the time and my faith would be weaker because of a need to be shown something bigger next time. "Give me a blinding flash of light that tans the left side of my face followed by a big pile of cash, or I’m taking my ball and going home."
And I know I’ve been witness to minor miracles; things that skeptics would pass off as just really fortunate or due to some logical explanation. I’ve also been around some fairly nice-sized miracles.
At times like right now, it’s difficult to remember those or derive faith from them. Sometimes it would be great to just get a huge miracle with the message:
I’m here. I haven’t forgotten you. I’m going to take care of you. Have a little more patience.
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but sometimes it’s really hard to trust in His plans. Before God, I was a person under the impression that I controlled my own destiny, so it’s very difficult to just say "God, take over."
How do you do it? When I encounter defeat or a setback, I still see that as something wrong with me. I wholly accept my mistakes and try my best to learn from them, but is there a point where it’s possible to say, "Well, that must not be what God wanted." Is it a cop-out to just pass off everything that doesn’t work out to God’s will instead of putting the blame on myself or just crappy circumstances?
I’ve grown up with a heap of pride. Not so much as really arrogant, but self-sufficient and very unwilling to ask anyone for help. But I also enjoy giving just to give. This point made being a Christian a fairly easy transition. But I never thought I would be on the receiving end of giving. It’s happened a few times recently, and is a huge blow to my pride.
In case I haven’t made it clear, life can stink at times. Faith in God has pulled me out of some really low times, and I can thank Him for my desire to keep on living, but sometimes that faith is hard to rely on.
When the Israelites were being led out of Egypt, they often lost their faith. Forty years in the desert can probably do that to a person. They had forgotten all that the Lord had done for them and some wanted to head back to Egypt. At times, God threatened to kill them because they were so aggravating.
I can relate to those wandering souls. When I can’t see the goal, and the present seems hopeless, going back to slavery seems better than the freedom I have and the promise that awaits me. Is God frustrated with me because of my frustration?
Lord, I so desperately want to fully put my trust in You and Your plans, whatever they may be. But sometimes it’s just plain tough to do that when the situation stinks. Is there something that I need to learn? Am I in this situation for the benefit of someone else? Is this season temporary? Is there something I should be doing differently? Something I should have done differently somewhere along the path? Will this season be of benefit down the road?
Lord, I fall at Your feet and I trust in the sacrifice of Christ Jesus. It would make things much easier to bear if I knew that You cared. You may have been telling me, but I don’t take hints very well. Please be as straightforward as possible so that I don’t overlook it or misinterpret.
Then I remember the Bible. The hope I get from it. I mean, if He can raise Lazarus from the dead, despite the wailing of all those who loved him, He can fix my pity parties.
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