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Being Accepted and the Low Self-Esteem Punk
By Marc | November 14, 2007
Life is (usually) a pretty long and bumpy road to walk, and very few things can make the trip less painful than fellow travelers. Perhaps a companion by your side or a hearty handshake from the person who’s coming down the hill you’re about to climb. There are some who choose to move by night without anyone around, but most make the journey in the light of day with a hearty, "Hail, good fellow!"
Whether we are accepted into the company of others (or we accept theirs) is another matter altogether.
One of my unwanted traits (of many) is poor self-esteem. Usually it’s a feeling that the only reasons I’m in any group are out of pity and being nice, but I just don’t belong. My inner voice (the punk) tells me things like:
"They picked you, but they picked you last."
"You’re only here as a joke."
"They’re just letting you in out of pity."
"They needed the ‘ugly friend’ to make them look better."
"You come from a lower income family than them, and they’re embarrassed by you."
"You’re a college dropout and a failure and they know it."
"If they left you alone, they think you’d probably kill yourself you’re so pathetic."
"Somebody needs a loser to do their grunt work."
"They want something from you."
"You’ve got tattoos. Nobody else has tattoos. They’ll kick you out soon enough."
And since I’ve become a Christian, a new one has entered in:
"They have to accept you; they’re Christians."
Most times it’s those, but often times I choose to stay to myself because:
They would have much more fun without me.
I really don’t need another kick in the ego.
I’m less likely to feel inadequate if I avoid the cause.
And any other self-depreciating excuse I can tell myself.
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person who struggles with this.
Christians (especially I notice in the members of my church because I’m around them so much) actually enjoy talking and spending time with people, regardless of who they are. I still could use the excuse, "Well it’s because they have to be nice to people." The more I live the life, the more I see that that’s not why.
True, we do have to love people, even our enemies, but we don’t necessarily have to like it. Sometimes loving is the most painful, excruciating experience if you really don’t want to. But, the thing about love is the more you show it, the more it becomes a part of you and it comes naturally.
I’m not saying that the love isn’t genuine and is just an automatic response. The love is truly there and, well, I know where there are true Christians, there is a whole lot of true friendship.
Christians crave the company of other Christians, not so they can be a part of the "hive" mind or so they can give each other a high five for belittling some heathen (like I used to think). We huddle together because we know what it’s like to be broken and rebuilt, to be shown mercy when you deserve harsh words and punishment, to be in a situation where the one person who cared was the one person who didn’t know you from Adam.
And it’s not a closed group. Anyone and everyone is accepted and given shelter from the storm. You don’t need to be part of a select social standing; you don’t need a college degree (or to have finished any school for that matter); you don’t even need to sing or have a good voice. Are you hungry? Are you hurting? Are you lost in need of direction? Have you lived a life you’re not proud of? Too proud of? Doesn’t matter, come on in, leave your guilt at the cross, there’s always room to warm yourself by the fire.
I say all this, but I still get my little voice telling me I don’t belong, even in church, around other broken, needing, imperfect people. I know I have to tell the little voice exactly where it can stick its accusations, but it always comes back, usually stronger than before.
If you have low self esteem, just know you aren’t alone. Everyone feels left out occasionally (sometimes real, sometimes perceived). But God made each and every one of us for a reason, and that reason isn’t to be ashamed of who He made us to be.
Sure, sometimes I (like most people) can be annoying at times and can get under someone’s skin, but for the most part, I am imperfect and just need to know that everyone else is just as imperfect.
You and I are made in God’s image. I don’t think God is in the habit of creating people who aren’t worthy of the company of the people around him.
Besides, if someone actually does tell you that you don’t belong, that’s okay. There’s much more fun at the church.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. – Romans 12:14-16
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. – Romans 15:7
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