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Jealousy (Little Green Man)
By Marc | October 24, 2007
As they danced, they sang:
"Saul has slain his thousands,
and David his tens of thousands."
Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. "They have credited David with tens of thousands," he thought, "but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?" And from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David. – 1 Samuel 18:7-9
It’s hard for me to hear the word "jealousy" and not think of the 45 my older sister, Michelle, had of the song "Jealousy (Little Green Man)" by Al Thomas. I must have heard the scratched-up song at least a hundred times, but I can’t for the life of me remember how the song goes except for a few lines from the chorus. To my defense, I was only like 9 or 10 when I heard it that much. (Michelle would get into a song or record and play it over and over and over.) Like many songs we "remember", we can only remember very little of it.
When I actually did know the song, I remember singing it to myself quite often. I didn’t know what a little green man had to do with jealousy, because I thought it was a little alien, like the Great Gazoo (from Flintstones). I also didn’t really know what jealousy was, but I would learn in time.
I, thanks to God’s provision, have talents. One of these is the ability to draw. Whether or not you think my work is any good, I still have a talent in art.
I try to be humble about it, because I know I always have room for improvement. But at the same time, I have almost always had people tell me how good I am, which doesn’t always help. It either just puffs up my ego, or deflates it because I think they are just trying to be nice.
I also hear the little voice telling me conflicting things. On the one hand, I’m just a no-talent loser who can’t even draw accurate human anatomy, so I fake it. Then on the other hand, I am a great artist who is doing things far beneath someone of my incredible talent. It says, "This person wants to learn from you (but just wants to steal your ideas). That person just gave you a compliment (but is laughing at you behind her eyes)." It wasn’t until I grew older and more in touch with the real world that I really knew what jealousy was.
In high school, there were three of us in my class (of 21) who had known artistic talent: Todd, Russ, and myself. We got along okay, and I was pretty good friends with Todd, but something in me kept seeing competition. I wanted to draw more than Todd. If he drew something cool, I had to try to outdo it. I also wanted to emulate him. I learned to paint clouds from him. But this surge of jealousy would come over me when his name was mentioned and I was forgotten or second. He was more popular than I, which made it so much worse. The last I heard, he’s a husband and father and farming back at home. I don’t know if he still draws and paints, but I’m sure he’s happy. And that’s what matters.
College was strange when it came to art and talent. I encountered so many egos it made my head spin. Part of me wanted to beat my chest in the same grunting ritual all the other art students were doing. Part of me realized they were far too stuck on themselves and their weird ideologies to actually take them seriously.
I’ve told you before that I collected comic books. I idolized the great artists and tried to emulate their styles. Steve Ditko, John Byrne, Curt Swan, Bill Sienkiewicz, George Pérez, Jack Kirby, and many others helped me, indirectly, to hone my talents by studying their work. But the first time I actually went to a real convention, the San Diego Comic-Con, I got to see tons of fanboys waiting in line in the hopes of getting something signed by an artist or writer. I should be the one with a booth. I should have the legions of pizza-faced drones to be honored to go get me a drink from the Coke machine. I have the talent. I should be getting the glory.
I may have talent (by the will of God alone), but the training, discipline, knowledge, and experience I don’t. Plus, the more I look on it, the more I would rather not have that life. You may have an army of loyal fanboys, but it is composed of loyal fanboys. I can be a fanboy. I know how they can be. Have you seen the beginning of Galaxy Quest? They would annoy the heck out of me in no time. I have more dread of that scene, but I won’t go into that now. My point is, I’m happy as a husband, father, and a writer and artist on a little site praising God.
Jealousy pops up every once in a while still. But, if I keep things in perspective, I can always see that the person I envy isn’t who God wants me to be. He’s got plans for me, as He does for everyone, so I’ll try to let those unfold on their own like they were meant to.
Almost all of us are envious of someone for something. We covet what someone else has, whether it’s talent, money, fame, looks, companionship, and so on, but we should be thankful for the things we do have. I used to envy famous people, like musicians and actors, but I really don’t now. For the most part, they seem to be better able to handle someone peering over their shoulders, scrutinizing their every move. I know I couldn’t last five minutes in that world, but they thrive there. When we trust in Him, God provides for us in the ways we can handle.
For instance, I’m glad I’m not signing comics for an endless line of kids in Wolverine T-shirts and Star Trek costumes (not that there’s anything wrong with it). That’s not who I am or who I need to be. I am who I should be and you are who you should be.
Think of all your what-if’s and shoulda-been’s. Would you have the experiences, people, and blessings in your life if you had taken the journey of someone else?
Where would Saul be if he hadn’t been so obsessed with David? Would he have found happiness in the things he was blessed with? He had sons and daughters, he was king, he was tall and impressive, David was loyal to him. His jealousy of the man who would succeed him seemed to take away the life he could have found happiness in.
Like the Madame Blueberry quote says, "A happy heart is a thankful heart."
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. – Proverbs 14:30
In the end, it would be awesome to be leading the big parade (or on a snazzy float) in Heaven. But I think I’d be happy to be the guy at the end sweeping up after the camels and horses, or an average guy on the sidewalk watching it happen.
As long as I’m there.
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